as in the emotion, not the color.

too much hurt.
too much cold.
too much I can't live up to.
too much I can't be.
too much extra fatty weight.

how is it that my personality is so excessive in some areas and lacking everywhere else?

I'm not looking forward to work.
I'm not looking forward to holidays. (christmas used to be my favorite)
I'm not looking forward to failing school.

It just confirms the ideas I have about myself.
And also the thoughts that everyone else has about me but won't say.

when can I wake up from this nightmare?
then again, if I do, that means I need to leave the safety of my covers.

damnit. every winter this happens. every single one for at least the past 5 years. medications haven't helped much since I've started them, in case you're wondering.

this is the time of year for happiness and gifts and family.
or lonliness, nothingness and the painful sting of tears freezing to your cheek.